Live Relationship Q & A

First of all thanks for coming out to CRU and asking some good questions. It was a lot of fun for me and the staff and hopefully useful to you as well. I am looking forward to hearing form Isaac Jenkins this Thursday, as a way to continue our focus on relationships.

Here are a few questions that didn’t get answered on Thursday, and my answers.

The hardest thing that occurs with me is trying to fix a broken relationship by myself and without God. What is the best way to keep God involved?
First off I feel your pain. This is what I tried to do in one of my relationships in college. what I had to learn is that I was not God and I couldn’t fix the other person or the relationship. It was my responsibility to try to fix the relationship but it was not my responsibility to change the other person. That is between them and God. He may use us to help, but ultimately only God causes the growth. Put the things that God’s in Gods hands by praying and letting go of the things that are not your responsibility.  I Corinthians 3:5-7

What does conflict resolution look like in your marriages?
This is a very good question. I would say that it happens all the time. We had a small conflict resolution this morning. It looks like listening well. May be I should say active listening. Repeating back tot he person, When you said (fill in the blank), is this (what you think they said), what you meant. It means being patient, and allowing communication to take much longer than you expected. It means believing the best even when you are sure that what they said was hurtful. It means telling the other person when you are hurt by saying things like, When you said (or did this), it made me feel like this. This is one thing you can learn before you are married by having good room mate conflict resolution.

Why aren’t there more inter-cru relationships?
Guys are not asking girls out.

Is sex the first time awkward?
I want to let Adrienne answer this one. She has a much better answer than me.

How do you know when its time to end a serious relationship with a guy/girl?
This is a tough question to answer because it is a case by case type of thing. Here are a few things that I would say. If one person is a believer, meaning the follow Christ and strive to make Him first in everything, and the other person does not believe, that would be worth ending a relationship. What do light and dark have in common? Nothing. Second I would not stand for deception or lies in any form, because the person can not be trusted and without trust it wont work.

Do you regret having sex before marriage?
Yes! It took a long time to recover from the wounds that I inflicted on myself. I thought at the time that I was doing something that would be good for me, but it was harmful too me. When you have sex the Bible says that the 2 become one flesh, I Corinthians 6:16. So whenever you create that kind of bond, and it breaks it is painful, and it takes time to heal. I mentioned on stage I believe that it really took me at least 5 years of my life to heal from that wound. So yes of course I regret, making that decision. I also believe that God work all things out for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose, Romans 8:28. So although I wish I had not made the choice, I believe that can and does and did in my case redeem my decision and use it for good.

Thanks again and come this Thursday to hear relationship expert Isaac Jenkins at 8:00 in Moore Auditorium.

About Dan Butz

I work with Cru in Leadership Development.
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